The Vitamins We Don’t Know About Yet

Posted: June 4, 2023 | Author: | Filed under: Brief...therefore witty. | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Naturally, I’m talking about witchcraft.

Or maybe that’s “unnaturally”?

At a zoo this past weekend, I made a grab for some buffalo hair, which was laying beside a buffalo that I supposed had finished with it.

Frankly it was still too near the buffalo, and I don’t think we as a species have the right vitamins yet that reverse being gored by a buffalo. Being gored and launched high and far, landing on the hard and sharp bits of myself that no one would want to land on – would require a lot of vitamins.

Strong vitamins. Big vitamins.

Y’know – witchcraft.

I do have some crushed beetle. That was entirely accidental though, but I’ve still got the crushed bits and if I could apply them I’d feel less guilty about that step I took.

My figuring was that I would take these bits, mix them together with some flora, probably some water because hydration is important even in witchcraft, and create a brew, the like of which witches would gather around on a dark and stormy night on a hilltop.

Despite stereotypes, they wouldn’t cackle at my brew, because I wouldn’t invite that sort of witch.

Such a brew, essentially a potion, is invariably, actually, soup of many varying qualities.

Carrot soup – is a potion to combat poor night vision.

Lamb soup – is a potion to combat that local lamb overpopulation problem you’ve been having.

All potions are soups, all soups are potions, some with particular benefits (garlic soup would be good for your immunity) and most have an overall benefit of ending your hunger for a few hours.

Once this was witchcraft, now ’tis science. That’s the order; magic until proven by someone with a degree.

That’s why I want to make a potion, or a ‘spell-soup’, out of some other ingredients, to see if there are some vitamins we don’t know about yet.

So I may take some buffalo hair and crushed beetle, perhaps some chicken stock for flavouring, and whooooooooosh, one sip and and a full, thick head of hair can be yours again tomorrow.

Or your penis will stay hard during whatever occasion you need it for. Probably not rock-climbing.

Or some foul luck will befall that person you dislike (like a horrific rock-climbing accident in which an appendage became lodged in a crook, or a cranny).

Or we keep mixing it together and realise it isn’t so great for swallowing, but is simply fabulous for building houses out of, like horsehair plaster.

Now those are some vitamins.

I like this path of having begun going about witchcraft, progressed through to cooking, had hopes of medicine, ended up in construction.

First things first though, I’ll be needing a cauldron.

And a big spoon.

So do you.

Sam