I’ve got some tickets to Shakespeare! Can’t wait to meet him.

Posted: May 16, 2024 | Author: | Filed under: Brief...therefore witty. | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A few centuries ago, having some tickets to a Shakespeare play would have been the hottest in town.

On 24th May 2024, the approaching date I have tickets for, there is a different perspective on the price of the ticket and the opportunity it represents.

Much Ado About Nothing has been performed more than a few times prior to the current run it’s enjoying at The Globe.

Over a few centuries there’ve been many thousands of performances, but really the appreciation for whether it’s a hot ticket or not is affected by the greatly reduced chance of bumping into Will Shakespeare in the queue for an ice-cream in interval.

But he’ll still be there. Not in essence, or in spirit, but physically. Is laughing not physical? Is the inner recoil of dread that comes when you know someone’s about to be cooked in a pie – not an ‘in the room’ feeling of physical?

Not really no. But he will still be there in in essence – whatever that means.

I think it means – ‘it would be nice if he was there’, but he isn’t really there. Though he is. Obviously.

Then again, for most of the time for most of the world, Shakespeare wasn’t there.

Perhaps, if it weren’t a good chunk of a millennia later, we might not ‘get‘ the meaning of his plays.

Without the insights of Shakespeare experts, with tremendous artists and producers, Shakespeare’s best might be only as good as a joke told by someone who doesn’t get why it is, or isn’t, funny.

Intonation is a tricky thing to express through a blog, but the point I’m making is that without it – well applied by actors (indeed – thespians) – Shakespeare isn’t so good.

Obviously, Shakespeare is good (maybe even great) – but how plebs like me come to realise that is thanks to other people realising that, and studying and rehearsing over years and decades to culminate with me thinking “oh, actually this is better than ‘good‘.”

And all the emotions around that.

The best thing a writer can do is strike recognition within the readers, and elevate from there. That’s the basis of comedy and tragedy. And Shakespeare did this then, but continues to do so now thanks to the interpretations of the experts today.

They’re ‘Thespians‘ – don’t’cha’know (using way more apostrophes then Shakespeare would have ever had).

I know this, from life.

I saw Two Gentleman of Verona at the Marlowe in Canterbury a few years ago. They took the stand by departing from script to laugh at anti-Irish joke, and bringing the audience with them in appreciating that anti-Irish isn’t really something people want to get behind any more.

Kenneth Branagh’s ‘Much Ado (About Nothing‘ – but it’s much cooler with just the first two words) – was intonation HEAVY and including a deck chair. Shakespeare didn’t include a deckchair, but Branagh did – and we’re better-off for it.

Then again, I had a bad time at Regent’s Park Theatre once, with Director portraying the tale A Midsummer’s Night Dream as one of much social discontentedness. Which was a semi-bad translation. Yes, such tyranny over a daughter (Hermia) is awful, but “though she be but little she is fierce” is spunky-enough to bring us through it.

Ultimately , we need to bring it back to the Thespians returning Shakespeare to the stage on the evening of 24th May 2024 – with his essence filling a theatre. We do get to meet him – the world-changing professional writer and personal poet that could cobble together a history to please a paymaster and Lord, whilst summarizing the variety of human conditions with soul-shuddering prose and a donkey’s head.

It’s a matter of hope.

Shakespeare was hopeful. He shared that with us. And it is a wonderful thing with which to leave a theatre.

And it only cost a tenner for standing room. Sore feet. Would recommend.

Summer is coming all over a town near you’s tits.

Posted: May 9, 2024 | Author: | Filed under: Brief...therefore witty. | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Vulgarity gets you everywhere.

The people love it.

They love it in Buckingham Palace, they love it in the White House and in the Hamptons, they love it in on airplanes and under the sea.

‘Undiscovered‘ tribes that haven’t discovered us yet – have discovered vulgarity and they love it.

Now, naturally you need to be vulgar in a very classy way.

And that’s not writeable by people like me. I don’t know if anyone can write about it – or even begin to explain it.

Saying “fuck” (which, incidentally, is very rude) can be learned, but it can’t be written.

“Fuck” – see?

Approach the King of England and say “fuck” is a non-classy way, and it won’t go down too well. They’ve got ‘people‘ to deal with your sort of ‘person‘ that isn’t saying “fuck” as they jolly-well should be.

However, say it to Charlie with class, “fuck” with panache, and you’ll find yourself knighted.

He might even say it back to you, with even more panache – since he’s a monarch and divine, etc.

‘Panacheier‘ you might say, alongside “fuck“.

And this works in job interviews, contract negotiations, and social relationships.

Well not really, but it does work well after those scenarios.

Vulgarity is broadly applicable, in love, war, and blogging (fuck).

It’s not a good way to raise your kids, but aside from that – I strongly advise you say “fuck” a regularly, between meals, and get vulgar. There are other words of vulgarity I could demonstrate, but since I’ve really latched-on to ‘fuck‘ – I’ll perservere.

But the joy of variety in vulgarity is yours.

For instance, exhibit A – summer.

I write this in May 2024 and it’s getting warmer, lighter, longer and happier in that way that comes even before the promise of summer. I could get poetic of the smells and the touches and the living and the music, but I can also say “summer is coming all over a town near you’s tits” and that’s fine.

There’s no doubt – the grammar seems to be a bit off, but it’s technically not. The perception of the grammar being off makes it appear all the more vulgar, and that’s a positive.

Because vulgarity works. Ask the powerful.

Ask the influential in politics and communications.

Keep it classy, but a well timed “fuck” can get you ahead in life, and whilst living that same life – “fuck” can really personify how you’re feeling as the seasons become less dreadfully ‘seasonal‘ and instead suggest once more that total myth we all love to believe of summer once again coming for us.

Coming to re-embolden our souls as we make the choices that define us.

Coming to remind us of the point of life and the joy of living.

Coming….all over a town near you’s tits.

Yes, that’s not how you spell it. And yes, it’s so egregious that you forget the word “tits” is in there – but this……this is all the above.

And the below.

This is Shakespeare.

This is Aaron Sorkin.

This is Hunter S Thompson.

Three writers that I’m sure would have a great evening (to the point of breakfast) together.

The “fuck” is intrinsic to all we are and all we aspire to be. It brings us back to the horizons we aim for, all whilst enjoying the informal trepidation that comes from knowing “fuck” is acceptable to say in present company, and that now we can really get down to business.

The business of vulgarity.

The business of summer.

Fuck. In a classy way.

Sam

How to deal with body odour without washing.

Posted: May 2, 2024 | Author: | Filed under: Observe my tips | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I get smelly armpits on account of the bacteria that eats the dirt within my sweat, which they then poo.

So do you.

Everyone does. It’s a problem.

Finding yourself cut short, without a chance for a bath in immediate sight, the solution is surely deodorant, right?

No! Wrong, stop being wrong!

The solution is aftershave!

Or, to say it louder in written form: AFTERSHAVE!

Why?

Alcohol!

Why alcohol?

Well, aside from “why the hell not alcohol?” – it’s because the alcohol content of aftershave actually kills the bacteria that eats the dirt in your sweat and poos it into the smelly smell.

It kills the bacteria – and isn’t that something we can all get behind?

So, just about 6-8 squirts around each armpit and you’ll find not only is the bacteria defeated, but you can’t smell anything else but the aftershave.

Because you’ve overdosed on it. Or, more like a scorched Earth policy for your armpits.

Deodorant doesn’t do dat.

Anti-perspirant stops the sweat, but it doesn’t kill the bacteria that is still in your armpit, currently pooing. Probably sniggering as it does so.

Now, naturally, another solution is to bathe. But we’re all busy writing blogs and reading THIS one (I simply cannot fathom another way to spend one’s time) to be expected to wash our crevices.

Plus – it takes a lot of water to bathe properly, and that’s frankly killing the planet.

And I get it – “killing the planet“: sounds kind of cool.

“Hey – I’m a planet killer. Well, that’s what a blog called me once.” – there’s no better way to introduce yourself to people.

But do you want to risk introducing yourself to people with smelly armpits, which you can’t undo because you didn’t read this blog featuring the tip about aftershave?

Of course not.

So, save the planet, wear aftershave on your armpits when smelly, kill the bacteria, and read this blog.

Dear god – you’d better read this blog.

Apart from the other things I have; it’s all I’ve got. This blog, my family, career, home, health, and a vast array of tips – that’s all I’ve got, nothing else.

Hope that helps.

Sam