What about a sumo wrestler – anytime you wanted?

Posted: November 16, 2025 | Author: samsywoodsy | Filed under: Brief...therefore witty. | Tags: ancestors, app, business, funny, honour, Humour, Japan, on-demand, sumo, sumo wrestling, wellbeing, writing |Leave a comment

To pre-empt the following; everyone feels down sometimes.

Sometimes, we feel dishonourable to our ancestors.

Fortunately, I’ve been watching television.

And I’ve discovered the Grand Sumo league has free coverage on NHK WORLD-JAPAN.

It’s fantastic, truly.

The slapping, the blessing, the inadvertent headbutts, the little envelopes, the lot – I highly recommend it.

But nothing comes close to the satisfaction of seeing the faces those in the front row change from keen interest, to slow realisation, to horror, to another slow realisation, to joy, as a 300lbs+ man falls on them.

In my front room, watching this, we’d all go “YAY!” and so would the expressions of those in the front row: because clearly their ancestors were smiling upon them.

Whilst officially not encouraged by the league (sumo try not to fall on people), it is genuinely considered a great honour for a sumo to land on you. You see, that means you’re right up close to the action, privileged and cool.

Depression hits everyone – and I believe sumo wrestlers should too.

Imagine, you’re walking home after a crap day at work, missed the bus, no partner waiting at home, dog ran off with the milkman, and its raining.

What you need is a blessing from your ancestors at a very reasonable price.

An uplift in honour – to treat yourself!

Just sign-up to my new app: Sumo On Demand – and a qualified sumo wrestler will come to your location and land on you.

Honour!

Prices vary, but the top price is the ‘Flat Rate’ – due to you being completely flattened by the sumo and honour.

I don’t mean to see obnoxious, but this is a bloody brilliant idea and investors are welcome to get in touch.

Alternatively, I can apply to Dragon’s Den, have one of my dedicated team of highly trained sumo wrestlers land on each of them, and see how that turns out.

I’d be ‘In’.

If you’re interested in being flattened by a sumo wrestler and increasing your personal honour – drop a comment below, I’ll see what I can arrange.

Sam

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