Aerodynamic nipples and the rest of us.

So, nipples.

Nipples.

Not very aerodynamic, are you?

Admit it.

When top-speed and head-first, humans (and yes I’m talking about the very specific circumstance of being fired out of a cannon whilst naked) are rather let-down by their nipples, which quite simply go against the flow.

There are other body parts that create similar issues (I’m looking at you genitals), but it’s nipples that are the focus of today’s blog.

Now I’m prepared to admit there are many uses for nipples, mainly in early-life, adult aesthetics and general humour (I’m not saying nipples aren’t funny. Everyone knows they’re funny, especially whoever named them), but otherwise they’re a massive liability when it comes to being fired naked out of a cannon, or taking part in a super bowl half-time show.

And I don’t know about you but I’d love to be fired out of a cannon.

I’d like everyone locally to watch and cheer as I survive.

It would also be a hell of a way to die. Doing something, perhaps not heroic, but definitely touching that line between brave and foolhardy. Definitely ‘doing something‘, either way.

He died doing what he loved: tempting it.” they’d say.

Or “Those nipples let him down again, honestly – he always gave them too many chances.”.

Regardless, I’d happily be fired out of a cannon as a way of living life to the full or ending it, especially now I’ve said my piece about nipples.

Genitals can will have to wait their turn another day.

‘Every willy has its week.’

‘Every foreskin its fortnight.’

‘Every labia its lunar cycle.’

I suppose, of course, if things were to be more nipples-first, the issue of aerodynamics would be the rest of us – not the nipples.

Nipples would be innocent in that scenario. Guilty ribs though.

Wow.

I’ve disproven my own view via a matter of perspective. It was never the nipples, it was the POV and the rest of us.

I’m still going to continuing with blaming the nipples though, as they rarely have anything else blamed on them – compared to the rest of us. I find, from the opinion of others, the fault is not in our stars but usually my “stupid big fucking feet“.

They’re not even that big, but they tend to be perfectly big enough at the precise time to be exactly what isn’t needed – depending on the scenario.

Like nipples in a cannon. Poor little guys.

Sam


Writing without a purpose

I don’t like writing for people. Reading it is the worst part of my work.

People (or as I call them ‘people’) as an audience mean that there has to be an intent with the words.

And it’s nice not to have an intent. I prefer to be pleasingly pointless.

Like keepie-ups.

That’s why I kick balls.

And sentences like these are why I write.

Of course, I do try to have some impact here and there. But I prefer being ineffectual – it’s more expressive.

Perhaps that’s the point.

Meaningless matters. And that’s all our shame.

And, slightly…pride.

For me, irrelevancy gets the job done.

Just like this.

Whistling. Whistling in the wind. Perhaps also peeing.

Crickey – I’m good at summing myself up.

Sam


I don’t think about the Romans once a day. Fish heads though – unforgettable.

And if you do, don’t.

The Romans, however, did.

The Romans were entirely obsessed with the Romans; either in the form of making more Romans or removing (violently) those who stubbornly weren’t.

It’s quite something to have an obsession with greatness, such as the Roman empire. I like that. It must be nice, but I don’t have the know-how to be obsessed with helpful things.

Perhaps people, apparently mainly men, look to the Romans for some form of inspiration. ‘Getting things done’ – like the Romans.

Roman roads are still here, a fair few feet down perhaps, but they remain and seem to remain serviceable as a road, despite the millennia. That’s something to aspire to.

The famed military strategy of the tortoise defense (‘testudo’ – leave it to the Romans to make it sound more testicular): positioning a group of soldiers with shields above and at all side, is one that makes sense to a lot of people. So much sense that it makes us presume the Romans were particularly clever, because they put shields on top and all around; the kind of genius idea that everyone thinks of.

And of course, there is the sheer size of the empire, which went forward and conquered at will before sensibly stopping at Scotland and building a wall.

I suppose they also stopped at a lot of other places – like Africa. Having colonised the northern-most reaches of the continent, they must have decided that was enough and that there was no need to start hacking at the undergrowth.

So they stopped. And that, like stopping at Scotland, was probably a good idea in terms of ensuring longevity.

A solid option – longevity.

That’s not me though. I don’t get it.

I’m not Mr Longevity. I’m a breaker.

The Romans built roads that have lasted thousands of years.

I have, however, just failed with fish heads.

£1.50 for two large salmon heads. What could go wrong?

There was a suggestion that it might lead to the contents of a stew, or a stock. Not that I’d be keen on either of those things as an actual outcome, but I was determined to at least do something well.

Not only did I make a proper meal of it (in the perjorative) but it ended up looking like a dog’s breakfast (again -perjorative) that I wouldn’t even feed to my dog, for breakfast or any other meal.

I really gave it a go. I did.

In anticipation of my nature overcoming my ambition, I watched YouTube videos before beginning, trying to understand the right cuts, and the meat to aim for, and the endless cartilage to avoid.

But whilst those Japanese chefs and fisherman (and whatever the profession in between those to is – very Japanese) were samuraing the whole salmon with an array of exquisite and bespoke weaponry, I just had a steak knife.

By the time I was done, I wondered if animal rights still applied post-mortem. Judging by what I put it through, and by what I put through it: no dead thing should have to endure that.

I literally made it deader.

I hacked, I sawed, I made it talk like a puppet mannequin to see if that would cheer me up, but nothing worked and I remained buyouyed only by the fact that, despite not being able to actually get any flesh off the carcass, my son’s wish at being able to see inside the heads was granted.

Well, truth be told, I did manage to lift some flesh from it, but that was:
1. Weird because the limited variety of knives I employed weren’t effective and I resorted to pinching and tearing (perhaps even teasing) the meat from the constant cartillage with my fingers.
2. It resulted in such a demur little mound of meat that it in fact demoralised me more than the fish would have if it could ghostly re-visit it’s earthly remains and understand its longest lasting legacy would be the whiff.

The whiff.

Oh, the whiff.

It was the first thing my wife said to me when she came home. “Sam, what’s that smell?!” followed by seeing what I was doing: “OH MY GOD“.

Then she shut the kitchen door on me and led the children away to not be tainted by it.

It reeked, even overcoming the stench of my own failure.

Abandoning the project, I took the fish heads and the many pieces of fish head outside to the bin so that it could become the neighbourhood’s problem.

I then washed my fingers, sprayed them with aftershave, antibacterial gel, soap-shampoo-shower gel, bath-shower-basin, until after a couple of days I had to resort to chopping onions to overcome the salmon’s legacy.

What would a Roman have made of this?

Something longer-lasting, probably.

Like a temple dedicated to when the fish heads were easily and violently defeated and turned into fish-stock.

The Romans, and I, we’re not the same. So, I tend not to think of them.

But, and this is obviously the ego in me speaking, whilst the Romans were highly accomplished at most things – I’ll bet no empire on Earth could such a mess as I did with those fish heads.

We’re fumigating the house on account of the whiff.

All doors and windows open.

I think I’ll think about those fish heads till the day I die.

Maybe my kids will too. Sorry; legacy.

Sam


Hamster in a ball? What do you want? A medal? Fine.

I can hear the hamster in its ball, trundling along with the rattle of tiny turds accompanying it; bumping into table legs and me.

What does it want? A medal?

Fine have a medal. I’ll go and get a medal and give it to you.

This is not what a hamster is for (I don’t actually know what a hamster is for – they weren’t my idea).

No animal is meant to be in a ball. A cage is bad, but at least it doesn’t rain turds whenever you take a step.

You could put any animal into a ball and it’d do that exact same thing as this hamster. An elephant would also bump into table legs and me, and fuck us all up due to the tonnage and collision, but might feel bad about it – which is nice. It’s nice to know something feels bad on your behalf.

Actually, a dolphin might not do the exact same thing as a hamster and an elephant. Unless it got a shove. Depends.

If the dolphin is put in a ball and then left to be alone in a ball – it’d just flop about whilst squeaking. If you put it in a ball and then gave it a bit of help, just to get it going: it’d rotate forever.

A dolphin is ideally shaped to rotate in a ball eternally. What does it want, a medal? Fine. I’ll get the dolphin a medal too.

The hamster meanwhile doesn’t even need its eyes, nose, ears. It just about needs internal organs, but it sure as shit wishes it didn’t need an arsehole right now. If it had none of those things, it’d be doing the exact same thing, bumping into table legs.

Poor table legs. You know, the Victorians used to cover them up in case they aroused visitors?

I feel that the Victorian era was one in which everyone was outrageously aroused, whilst pretending beyond reason that they weren’t.

They pretended instead that their genitals were cold, and sleepy, and not there.

The truth, meanwhile, was obvious – just look at the number of children they kept procreating. Children were a major portion of the workforce, whilst also being the biggest output of the era – and more people meant more people. And eventually one of those ‘more people’ put a hamster in a ball.

When did we start putting hamsters into balls?

Holy shit, the hamster just rolled the whole length of my 30-foot kitchen, through the door way into the hall, and into the lounge, all in one go – no collisions.

That shut me up.

That was classy. Shit rain and all.

I’ve taken the hamster out now, and put her back into her relatively pleasant cage. Then gave her some treats.

Her name is GingerSnow. And she rolls well.

What does she want, a medal. Fine, she can have two.

Now please excuse me, I need to make some medals.

Sam


It’s all about the environment. Mine, not yours.

MAYBE, it’s about everyone’s environment, but that’s only if it turns out to be more helpful than I am currently intending.

Also, I’m not talking about the environment in that ecological, greater-crested newt, save the wales, sense.

Of course, I’m all in favour of saving the wales. Unless they cross me, in which case I’m moving to Japan.

I’m talking about the environment in that personal sense. MY environment.

The price of a pint of beer is important for this.

I tend not to drink in pubs on account of the cost. I drink at home, a lot, to the point of not going to the doctor in case they give me bad news and I can’t do it anymore.

However, there is a time (maybe, who cares) and more importantly there is a place in which the tipping of the bank balance is more acceptable, on account of really enjoying the environment.

The pub.

The pub is an environment, and it is very important because it is exceedingly lovely.

But what makes it so lovely, and therefore important?

I think it’s:

holding the glass of local beer after a long morning in town staring at classic cars on behalf of an enthusiast to whom I’m related, in the sun-trap garden with a breeze passing through, and a friendly greyhound coming up to sniff hello whilst children are playing and pleasantly misbehaving with the fish in the pond because of something I demonstrated earlier (“the fish bite if you put your fingers in – see?“), folk nearby talking about things I feel are not fascinating but are still something to which I could contribute in an emergency, another glass of increasingly local (is it? Who cares?) beer, my wife suddenly remembered that she’s stunning and is keen to share that with me, my children ask me adorable requests akin to wanting to sit on my knee or have a peanut, I make a political point to my wife and she responds just “hmmm, yes babe” but I’m still glad I said it, before heading inside to the tiny bar in the cooler darkness that reeks of British tradition, where there is a hat perched on a hook in the wall beneath a plaque saying “DAD” with a degree of loving aggressiveness one really had to be there for, and I’m asked if I’d like another, “No, water please” I counter but add that I’d love a pickled egg to accompany , that sates us both (him – my money, me – his egg), and I wrap said-egg in a tissue and place in my pocket and this is all marvelous, just marvelous, and I’ve spent here on two pints and an egg (that everyone hated) what would amount to much beer and many eggs from elsewhere to enjoy at home, but you’re then basically just at home – drunk with eggs.

That was all environment and also, I’m sorry, exquisite grammar.

Really, the importance of it was that it mattered at the time.

And then I realised I couldn’t escape the concept of environments. Such as the fish in the pond with fingers poking-in for the hope of being nibbled – that’s an environment.

Or the pocket with a parceled pickled egg in it – now I had the choice of pocket environments. One to act as a pocket in the traditional, common-or-garden sense, whilst the other now became an environment in which I could put things that I wanted to become smelly.

Naturally it didn’t end there, as we made our way back to the car park (another environment? No, probably not that one) we noticed a nearby shrine to St. Jude.

Here, in the sanctified silence broken only by the taps of my daughter’s feet as she danced in the kaleidoscope of colours from the stained windows and the summer sun, and of the whispers of my son asking “what’s a shrine?“; we felt another environment.

This one was of the kind with the mix of emotions that often comes when religion really matters to people on a daily level – a mix of hope yet desperation, glory yet pity, endless mercy and love, and a donation box in every possible eyeline, a place to place your intimate prayers, and a giftshop.

That’s what you pay for, much akin to two pints of Spitfire and a pickled egg. Plus a copy of the Catholic Herald that I stole (they’ll forgive me). Anyway, I donate to churches every time I light one of their candles, which I do almost every time I enter one, including this of St. Jude’s shrine.

I do go to church fairly often. Often, but not religiously.

There was a woman who sat alone and away from the shrine, in the chapel, who was fervently seeing-to a colouring book as though it had wronged her and she’d have her vengeance in primary colours. She looked up and asked my 5-year-old son if he’s like to colour-in too. He declined politely* and she looked back down to her traumatic colour-scape and never looked up again.

Her head. That was an environment; a very busy one that I don’t want to visit.

Exiting can be a lovely thing when it is stepping out from the gravitas of a softly sounding, aroma-filled cellar environment that pubs and chapels can share, into the relative outer-space of a blue-skied day. So we did, and it was.

A whole new environment. Stepping out into this, I thought as my son and I peed on a nearby secluded wall, was a matter of perception creating a new environment, whilst at the time of stepping into the shrine – the point had been vice-versa.

We arrived at the car, buckled up and cranked the air-conditioning to as low and powerful as it could be; creating another environment in which we controlled the climate, the radio, the view (depending on where we drove), and all with the feeling of togetherness that comes when a family in a car knows that everyone else is strapped in there with them.

This last one, the environment of the family bubble, I realised was the one that had been there throughout the day, and was the one I was taking home.

My advice is to alter your environment to make it what you want, therein making your self think and feel as you’d prefer – or to at least give yourself a better chance to.

Some might try beer, others religion, some are for summer, some for wherever the air-conditioning is best.

Mine is the lot, all, with varying intervals and different levels of intensity, before moving onto the next as per whatever the hell I feel like. It gets me thinking, appreciating, and moving.

What’s my gift though, that I’ll treasure beyond the wagers of the mercy of saints or the business of a barman, was being able to go home with and to my family.

Cheesy, I know, but that’s nothing compared to that pickled egg. Maybe this blog might have turned out to be helpful after all.

*Much as I have been for the past 20 years; in polite decline.


Summer is coming all over a town near you’s tits.

Vulgarity gets you everywhere.

The people love it.

They love it in Buckingham Palace, they love it in the White House and in the Hamptons, they love it in on airplanes and under the sea.

Undiscovered‘ tribes that haven’t discovered us yet – have discovered vulgarity and they love it.

Now, naturally you need to be vulgar in a very classy way.

And that’s not writeable by people like me. I don’t know if anyone can write about it – or even begin to explain it.

Saying “fuck” (which, incidentally, is very rude) can be learned, but it can’t be written.

Fuck” – see?

Approach the King of England and say “fuck” is a non-classy way, and it won’t go down too well. They’ve got ‘people‘ to deal with your sort of ‘person‘ that isn’t saying “fuck” as they jolly-well should be.

However, say it to Charlie with class, “fuck” with panache, and you’ll find yourself knighted.

He might even say it back to you, with even more panache – since he’s a monarch and divine, etc.

Panacheier‘ you might say, alongside “fuck“.

And this works in job interviews, contract negotiations, and social relationships.

Well not really, but it does work well after those scenarios.

Vulgarity is broadly applicable, in love, war, and blogging (fuck).

It’s not a good way to raise your kids, but aside from that – I strongly advise you say “fuck” a regularly, between meals, and get vulgar. There are other words of vulgarity I could demonstrate, but since I’ve really latched-on to ‘fuck‘ – I’ll perservere.

But the joy of variety in vulgarity is yours.

For instance, exhibit A – summer.

I write this in May 2024 and it’s getting warmer, lighter, longer and happier in that way that comes even before the promise of summer. I could get poetic of the smells and the touches and the living and the music, but I can also say “summer is coming all over a town near you’s tits” and that’s fine.

There’s no doubt – the grammar seems to be a bit off, but it’s technically not. The perception of the grammar being off makes it appear all the more vulgar, and that’s a positive.

Because vulgarity works. Ask the powerful.

Ask the influential in politics and communications.

Keep it classy, but a well timed “fuck” can get you ahead in life, and whilst living that same life – “fuck” can really personify how you’re feeling as the seasons become less dreadfully ‘seasonal‘ and instead suggest once more that total myth we all love to believe of summer once again coming for us.

Coming to re-embolden our souls as we make the choices that define us.

Coming to remind us of the point of life and the joy of living.

Coming….all over a town near you’s tits.

Yes, that’s not how you spell it. And yes, it’s so egregious that you forget the word “tits” is in there – but this……this is all the above.

And the below.

This is Shakespeare.

This is Aaron Sorkin.

This is Hunter S Thompson.

Three writers that I’m sure would have a great evening (to the point of breakfast) together.

The “fuck” is intrinsic to all we are and all we aspire to be. It brings us back to the horizons we aim for, all whilst enjoying the informal trepidation that comes from knowing “fuck” is acceptable to say in present company, and that now we can really get down to business.

The business of vulgarity.

The business of summer.

Fuck. In a classy way.

Sam


Genitals in a tornado – and other topics that don’t get you far as a writer

Whirly whirly whirly‘ they’d go.

There’s something to it as a topic….the topic being genitals in a tornado.

It’s got depth, and history. It’s also metaphorical, but that’s not as important as literally having your genitals in a tornado.

Which genitals? You name them, they’re there. In fact, bring your own! BYOG!

Which tornado? I don’t know – I don’t any tornados. Obviously they’re all named, but I don’t know the depth of their character in the same way I do genitals.

Either way, I like the idea of genitals in a tornado, because that implies being naked in the elements.

And being naked in the elements, the wind and the rain, the sun and the snow, that in itself implies something too.

There’s depth to these genitals, especially hers.

I think it’s an epic representation of how tiny you are, an insignificant little human in a slightly larger universe, which is entirely indifferent, but the stars are out and pretty, and though you might be insignificant – feeling the rain and the wind and the starlight proves you’re alive.

Which is nice.

You might be able to picture the scene:
A person (perhaps yourself) looking up at an unending sky and appreciating all that living can be, whilst the turbulence of life on Earth increases – the wind rises and makes the person sway and lean into the now-raging storm threatening to rip them away, the will to be and live swells greater than the storm, and proof of living is undeniable and powerful, and all the while their genitals are going round and around like the clappers.

I’ll bet it’s good for them.

Doctors should recommend a tornado for your blood pressure, variations of hair-dos, and for your genitals. Or perhaps, just for the experience – why shouldn’t a doctor want you to have a fun time?

These. These are the topics that don’t get us far as writers. Probably because they’re so interesting, we don’t want to move.

There’s history to these genitals.

Well, really pre-history, but mostly guesswork and even statistics. There’s no way you’re the first person to have genitals out and about in a tornado.

And there’s absolutely no way in hell that you’re the first person to helicopter your penis hands-free but elements-dependent, such as a tornado provides.

The likelihood of this happening goes back further than even helicopters, further back than lassos, further back than any other things you might consider waggling round and round. A penis was doing it first – and I’ll bet there was a tornado right alongside it.

This is history that wasn’t written down at the time it happened, but I bet there’s an undiscovered cave painting somewhere in the world, with storm clouds and rain depicted – with a focus feature of a simple human figure encumbered with a penis so overly large it upsets other people’s balance, surrounded by motion lines to indicate rapid revolutions, and other members of the tribe keeping an awed-whilst-embarrassed distance.

That’s art that I wouldn’t pay for, but I would paint it.

I think they have something similar in the Vatican. Maybe on the walls that hold the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel up.

Turns out – there’s art and architecture to this.

I don’t know about breasts, since they seem to wobble most of the time anyway, but when it comes to history, I’m sure I’ve heard the term “like tits in a wind-tunnel” is one I’ve heard before. I just can’t recall when. I can recall why though – things were going extraordinarily well at the time – like tits in a wind-tunnel.

Vagina-wise (which is a theme, not a given-title for experienced gynecologists) – I’d have to imagine that whilst the tornado might make one’s ovaries a tad chilly, the hollow vagina in a tornado would emit a pleasing ‘toot‘ sort of noise – like when blowing into a half-finished bottle of beer. And you’ve finished the second half, first.

These are the topics that get one nowhere, not even preferably lost.

The important point here, is that writings on topics like these are the guarantee of successlessness. In addition to the creation of unreal words such as at the end of the last sentence, they are not what you want to read about.

But by golly, they’re enjoyable to write about.

And I write, to write.

Doing it this way is to ‘other’ yourself, which gets you attention such as I’m not getting, but the potential is still there.

These are the topics, as you’ve seen above: history, depth, metaphors, art, and architecture – who could possibly be interested in such subjects as these?! Thank heavens there was a unifying theme.

Maybe ‘genitals in the breeze’ would be a better title?

Sam


Topics that ruin your working day

The holocaust.

Anyway, I woke early one morning at the start of lockdown, frankly enjoying the idea of not having to leave the house.

My son was about one at the time (there weren’t two of him), and I’d become used to waking early for feeding time, as well as to prep for the work commute.

With no need to commute due to that there pandemic, and with my son being coddled by my wife (both still asleep upstairs), I made my way down stairs in my pajamas with the kind of swagger that celebrates not having to do anything as physical as having a ‘spring in my step’ for the rest of the day.

I laid down upon the sofa, kettle boiling, bowl and spoon cornflaking, and skimmed through the DVDs stacked title-out on the bookshelf (why else have a bookshelf, unless needing somewhere else to place your coffee and cornflakes?).

Realising that having woken at 6am meant I had by then just under three hours to somehow put on a clean shirt, move to the office-room and turn my laptop on – I had time to enjoy a movie.

I’ve a good DVD collection. They’re not really for watching, because the films are either a little too intense, or too boring for the rest of the family, or too regularly watched by me over the years because I love them so much.

But one title filled that spot between knowing it’s a cracker of a movie, and not having watched it too recently.

Children of Men.

“Coooool” I would have thought if I actually thought words – which I don’t, but the did still regard the movie, and the premise of watching it with time to spare, before work, as – coooool.

So I put the disk in the player, lowered the volume so as to not wake my Mrs and little son, and watched.

A little under two hours later, I turned off the television, made my way back upstairs, needing to wash my face and put on a clean shirt….and opted to get back into bed.

I reemerged with ten minutes to dress, and turn on my laptop.

Which I did!

And from that point I spent the rest of the day solidly not giving a shit, or anything else helpful or unpleasant to give, to my colleagues, their projects, their workloads or their latest news since coming back from annual leave and having some smashing photos to share from their time in Gibraltar.

The film’s plot, about there being no more children, until there suddenly was one more and it was born into a post-semi-apocalyptic war zone before being sent adrift with its mother towards what might or might not be a friendly boat, had really bummed me out.

How could I reinvigorate myself following so harrowing a tale of constant violence and death at breakfast?

Cornflakes should not be accompanied by shot midwives. CORNFLAKES SHOULD NOT BE ACCOMPANIED BY SHOT MIDWIVES

This ruined the working day for me and frankly the pandemic all went downhill from there (no disrespect intended).

The topics of that film has ruined my working day, but there are others.

And happily, they’re jolly.

Like South Park.

South Park is one of those entities that I forget about and am then delighted to be reminded about because it’s simply excellent. All you’d want from comedy.

I feel like I could do comedy, and if not to the degree of South Park, then at least – slightly. Slightly comedic would be a step in the right direction.

But pondering this means that, again, I am dwelling on topics that are terrible for my deadlines, traumatic for my proofreading, and deadly for my career progression since I realize the career I’m in isn’t the one I want to fucking progress with.

And quickly from there I’m wishing I too was in a post-semi-apocalyptic war zone rather than in this particular Teams online meeting because I’d bet those shot midwives would have a better sense of humour than any of you fuckers.

Fuckers.

Fucking colleagues.

Colleagues!

Before I go, here’s some more work-day ruining topics:
Modern Slavery
Unit 731
Carol Ann Duffy
The Simpsons
7 Dirty Words You Can’t Say On TV
Surprise Military HomeComings

A nice mix there, but one that makes me cry the most is Elvis performing Unchained Melody. Try working on a spreadsheet after watching that stunner.

All the best,

Sam


I can’t be alone in thinking this. I’d like to be though.

There’s always a risk of being honest online.

One must tread (type) carefully with the expectation that one is racist or something equally unpleasant and therefore not deserving of having a blog anymore.

Now, I probably am racist, but I’ll leave that to folk more qualified than myself to diagnose. I can’t think of any specific views or prejudices at this time, but I’m sure they’ll surface on my commute home through traffic.

Less so focused on the likely-racism for today though; I want to talk about feeling sad.

Because I do feel sad.

I’m sad right now.

Oh look, I just got sadder.

And this has happened before with me, and it’ll likely crop up again, but I do keep reverting to this perpetual option I have to wander into a field and die.

Not suicide – I don’t have a violent bone in my body – but definitely not trying any more.

I don’t know if that counts as ‘giving up’, or ‘no longer putting up with the planet’s negative sides any more’ (can a planet, being round, have a side? When I’m in a bad mood – yes it can. A temper-dependent, partially flat Earth).

Either way, I like the idea of having the option to wander into a field, sitting down, and worries ebbing away as one of two things happen.

  1. I master meditation and Zen the shit out of myself.
  2. I abandon the premise of hunger, ambition, regret, loss, hope, fear, glory, pride, and especially having a numb bum from sitting in a field for too long.

Hunter S Thompson made clear is his view on suicide, ultimately by shooting himself in the head (really showing his conviction) and in what he left behind – his words.

Beautiful words on the matter.

“I would feel real trapped in this life if I didn’t know I could commit suicide at any time.”

And then the note – ‘Football season is over’.

It was his final note. We probably shouldn’t know about it – I doubt it was ever meant for us.

But still, his point remains now as true as then.

It’s a weariness. I cannot be bothered with the blue bells and bird song.

I’ve had enough of the laughter of children and the company of friends.

Women aren’t what they used to be, nor am I.

Bye….along those lines.

The sort of things that are why you want to leave a dinner party that’s gone on too long, but you don’t mention because everyone thinks you’re suicidal, and that reflects awfully on their hosting skills.

I’ll cheer-up, I’m sure. Maybe not tomorrow, but hopefully before the weekend.

And whilst in this mood, I still like to ponder walking into a field, harmlessly, carelessly, and should I die then I shouldn’t care, because of the careless happiness I’d feel about being in a field.

On a sunny day, obviously.

Not too sunny, either – that won’t work for me.

For this I’d have that kind of particular preference that comes from a mix of memory and imagination and won’t ever actually happen – that’s my kind of weather.

It’s good for the soul.

Sam


Sandwich ingredients – can’t we all just get along?

Say you’re a slice of cheese, with all the crucial memories and opinions that a slice of cheese would have.

You want, specifics? Fine you’re brie.

Actually, no – you’re cheddar. Being cheddar is important for this.

It matters to me.

Anyway, you’re a slice of opinionated (cheddar) cheese – and someone places a slice of ham on top of you.

Opinionated ham.

Ham with a mother.

Ham with hopes (not dreams though – it’s just ham).

And that slice of ham is laying on top of you face to cheesy face – how would you feel?

Perhaps you’d nod politely at one another, like businessman bumping into each other on a crowded train, but then again, that doesn’t often happen when they’re both horizontal.

It’d be really neat if you’d both simply get along. No need to shove.

But that’s not all – next is the disappointment that comes from the comfortable slice of bread you yourself had already been placed on.

You’d been enjoying it being as soft and convenient as it was to relax upon, though weirdly, it was particularly buttery. As buttery as anything you can think of as being buttery.

Not many things are buttery. In fact, its likely that most things that are buttery, aside from bread, are not intended to be buttery.

Buttery.

Albeit buttery, it was a pleasant place to find yourself as a slice of cheese, even when a slice of ham is pressed against you.

Then, you see over the slice of ham’s………………. shoulder (?)……a second slice of bread descending its way towards you.

Now I can’t pretend to have ever heard cheese before. But if I were then, like you are now – a piece of cheese about to be imprisoned within the kind of butteriness that you’d honestly begun to trust – I think I’d have a lot to say. And even more to scream.

Meanwhile, the slice of ham is still squished up against you, face-to-face, unable to move because it’s inanimate (AKA “thoroughly well-cooked”) and is desperately asking what you’re freaking out about, but can sense the darkness looming up from behind it.

As I said, I’ve never heard cheese, and I’ve never heard the inside of a sandwich either, but I’ll bet its muffled.

Now I don’t want to be grim here. There’s no pain in the life of this cheese (can’t guarantee same for the ham) so have no fear of me describing the agony of teeth coming together through you – some cheddar cheese.

But, the idea of being chewed cheese basically just occurred to me and I wanted to share consideration for the sensation with you.

My favourite part was the suggestion of the cheese and ham nodding politely at each other. Its nice to get along.

There might be a metaphor in there somewhere, sandwich ingredients getting along and so on.

But I’ll leave that to you to be interested in, I’m just curious about being a piece of cheese.

Sam