Holy Shit I Think I’m Getting Boring.

Something occurred to me about three nights ago, as I laid in bed, ensuring I knew the correct grammar when saying, as I tend to, if I ‘laid’ or ‘lay’ somewhere, and then double-checking my spelling of ‘grammar’, that I realised a situation that I know has been slowly creeping up on me like ivy up an idle man’s leg.

I, being rather unlike myself, am becoming a little dull.

Now this…THIS…is the time for people to be brave. Pretend to be brave anyway, and eventually end up with a tale to tell and hopefully some highly attractive scars that weren’t gained from safe and legitimate means. Safe and legitimate means will be the end of us all.

You’re going to need a little of that bravery that throws caution to the wind whilst also avoiding what piss you may be distributing into it. That’s just a metaphor though. I did once piss into the wind and I actually won, so there you go, fable fucked, samsywoodsy up by one.

That’s it for me with fables- I’ve had it up to high enough with them being a constant source of disappointment and confusion. I’m only young, I should be able to trust in and rely on a nice of sturdy fable, but here we are in a world where I know that you can be a fast as you please, just don’t be obnoxious otherwise you’ll lose the race to the tortoise, and then your only competition will be the turtles. And then you’ll drown.

There’s a fable for you. Take one rabbit, add water, equals either boiled rabbit or a drowned one. All because it was obnoxious. If your rabbit ends up simply wet, apply mallet liberally. Liberally.

Take your time out there, and fuck a fable. It’s good for the future.

What I’m really trying to say, and this is no fable, is that chances are you’re going to become a little boring, and this may be brought on by either idleness or the regrettable lightness of life. Should this occur- rebel and conquer. Conquer because it’s interesting, rebel because it helps.

A nice rebellion against yourself will tip you over the edge of boredom and into the realm of having no choice but to take action and take interest. Conquer yourself, before you lose yourself to the plague of distraction.

Of course, we all get distracted along the road (it’s an interesting road), but we have to decipher where to accept and when to decline the distractions that the road offers. Ultimately, you will have to figure out which and why for yourself, but here’s a basic formula that might be of use.

1: Do not watch television. No.

2: Become bored with things, and you will become boring. Become interested with things, and you will become interesting.

You may have seen those guys; the ones that tend to look both gentlemanly and rugged. The sort that have read many books and can still compellingly beat the shit out of you over a matter of manners or opinions. Well, that’s what we should be aiming for because they’re like that friend I know at least I’ve had who pushes you and thrills your life, but also scares the bejeezus out of you from time to time (I didn’t even know I had a bejeezus inside of me. Nor did I know what it was till it slid out and hit the floor. Everyone heard it. None of them knew it was my bejeezus).

The minute you feel that your formative years are over, then find a bullet and slam your head into it, because there is really no other point to being here. You might as well watch TV.

I, for one, shall be attempting to examine every fable and test it literally to see if it has any common worth (I’m going to need a singing grasshopper: any suggestions will be appreciated and weird). If not, or if so, I shall hopefully regain a little of the danger and interest I used to generate when I was a nipper (literally- I nipped).

Or hunt Nazis, whichever happens first when I exit my front door.

Remain compelling, please.


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