My Smashing Jumper

My smashing jumper gifts me a perception from others as follows:

Erect but casual.

Sure, my erection might well enter the room without me owing to extraordinary confidence from the 5th limb, but all is well; I’m wearing a jumper for goodness sake.

Of course, whilst I might find purchase in such activities as sinking into a comfy armchair to the point drowning; all is well – “They say he had an erection with him at the time he went missing”.

I am confident there are those out there who will claim that luscious hair is the means to all favourably flavoured ends, but I tend to lean rather more towards the erection side of the debate, mainly because it’s sturdier to lean on.

A 21st Century renaissance chap has newer and distinctly less reasonable facial hair than the rest of the class and a tiresome duty to type with his erection.

This is the 21st Century after all (this far).

The erections of these people are named.

Aged.

Weighed and measured.

And finally hung and smoked before being unleashed upon the unwittingly nearby congregation.

The regrettably nearby congregation

And, with regards to virginity, terminally there.

And I am among them, keeping all at a 6-inch reach from me and one thrust away from grasp.

Please don’t misinterpret me here; the erection doth not the wooing, for his is merely the domain of the pleasurable presence and chemical pride.

Rather more so it is the smashing jumper that doeth the greatest woo.

These stiches know a woo or two, with a pattern so simply super that neither man, woman, beast nor basil bush can do much but falteringly implore for “Not here…my parents are downstairs”.

And whilst there might be little sway granted to man, woman, beast and basil bush, there have admittedly been some rather wall-like resistance and, in fact, submission to the fungi community.

It would seem my smashing jumper is not what once it was whilst away a’wooing.

Perhaps if I flailed?

Willingness to motion is a point desired in all but the most stationary of cultural backgrounds.

And should you see myself in such a smashing jumper as only I can actually be bothered to labour about; take care. For I’ve only a few jumpers and even fewer are smashing.

Anyway…

Sam

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