Aerodynamic nipples and the rest of us.

Posted: December 27, 2024 | Author: samsywoodsy | Filed under: Brief...therefore witty. | Tags: aerodynamic, blame, blogging, cannons, Humour, life, nipples, philosophy, Weird, writing |2 Comments

So, nipples.

Nipples.

Not very aerodynamic, are you?

Admit it.

When top-speed and head-first, humans (and yes I’m talking about the very specific circumstance of being fired out of a cannon whilst naked) are rather let-down by their nipples, which quite simply go against the flow.

There are other body parts that create similar issues (I’m looking at you genitals), but it’s nipples that are the focus of today’s blog.

Now I’m prepared to admit there are many uses for nipples, mainly in early-life, adult aesthetics and general humour (I’m not saying nipples aren’t funny. Everyone knows they’re funny, especially whoever named them), but otherwise they’re a massive liability when it comes to being fired naked out of a cannon, or taking part in a super bowl half-time show.

And I don’t know about you but I’d love to be fired out of a cannon.

I’d like everyone locally to watch and cheer as I survive.

It would also be a hell of a way to die. Doing something, perhaps not heroic, but definitely touching that line between brave and foolhardy. Definitely ‘doing something‘, either way.

“He died doing what he loved: tempting it.” they’d say.

Or “Those nipples let him down again, honestly – he always gave them too many chances.”.

Regardless, I’d happily be fired out of a cannon as a way of living life to the full or ending it, especially now I’ve said my piece about nipples.

Genitals can will have to wait their turn another day.

‘Every willy has its week.’

‘Every foreskin its fortnight.’

‘Every labia its lunar cycle.’

I suppose, of course, if things were to be more nipples-first, the issue of aerodynamics would be the rest of us – not the nipples.

Nipples would be innocent in that scenario. Guilty ribs though.

Wow.

I’ve disproven my own view via a matter of perspective. It was never the nipples, it was the POV and the rest of us.

I’m still going to continuing with blaming the nipples though, as they rarely have anything else blamed on them – compared to the rest of us. I find, from the opinion of others, the fault is not in our stars but usually my “stupid big fucking feet“.

They’re not even that big, but they tend to be perfectly big enough at the precise time to be exactly what isn’t needed – depending on the scenario.

Like nipples in a cannon. Poor little guys.

Sam

---