Catching the 16.40 from Victoria

Posted: September 7, 2026 | Author: | Filed under: Brief...therefore witty. | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I’m hot on a train.

Having walked through Underground London for a few minutes in the high-twenty temperatures, I’m hot under the collar.

Making my train, I feel air conditioning hit me, mending my mood and making everything better like Mummy used to do.

I needed a pee, so jumped on the carriage with the dunnie and found I could pee quickly, and well, before stepping out and finding one of those spare seats for priority folk which I would later concede to priority people (a mum and baby).

Sitting, logging onto the Wi-Fi, cracking open a beer; I’ll be home early. Nice.

This is living in the life of 2026 commuters.

Then I realise: a whirring.

Upon noticing it, ‘it’ got louder.

I see its source – the man far opposite. With a fan.

One of those powerful little fans, which I’m sure feels lovely when you’re its owner and have it pointed at you, but for everyone else it’s a powerful little fan that is getting louder – to the point of being…loud.

Bearing in mind the air-con is on, I then note: he’s got it pointing at his balls.

And now we’re in a situation. One of public politeness.

Sound versus sensation.

Ears versus balls.

Who is right?

I am, because this is my blog (I had leftover breaded chicken steak for breakfast #blogging). And in my blog I am right.

And his balls are wrong.

When I then moved seats for the priority mum and son, I turn to see he’s redirected the powerful little fan at his face and he looks disgruntled.

Previously, he looked gruntled.

The son is now crying at his mother due to some technological issues cancelling his tablet viewing, and this is by far preferable to the man chilling his balls at my expense.

It was so to my expense that it genuinely felt expensive, as though the waft of his ball-whiff would sidle-on up to me and whisper “just so you know, I’m cooling down my testicles for the next ten minutes. A bill will be emailed within 5-10 working days. THANKS!”

For someone reason, the smell of the guy wasn’t the problem. Not that day, anyway.

Soon the Mother had calmed son with alternative tech options, and the guy has gone back to looking gruntled. I think he was inconvenienced by their noise.

By god I love working from home.

Sam