How Awfully Correct of Me

As I’ve mentioned before in fits of appropriate arrogance; I’m that correct motherfucker you’ve been looking for.

I said “whom” recently.

I was confronted on it and debate ensued.

There was much pointing and, by jove, nearly some prodding too.

My arms were bloody well folded throughout so denote how stubborn and elbowy I was in the mood to be for the foreseeable and in the face of his argument.

He said it was an improper use of “whom”, to which I countered that the use was only incorrect grammatically.

My intonation was flawless.

My intonation was tender, gravelly, full of poise and wholeheartedly correct.

It was the same intonation with which I stated internally I was going to then simply sit in my chair and disagree with him for the next few minutes.

I was very much like the novelist I could always have been; had it not been for the distinct lack of books coming out of me.

This is the same reason I’m not a library (which is the sort of joke a novelist would make).

Should I be a novelist; call me Rafferty.

I shall respond.

I will speak in hushed and suddenly definitely-audible tones, arms folded to show I have dry skin on the elbow most prominent, but I write a damn fine novel.

Each evening.

I want to be the variety of novelist who has gold teeth but not his own, instead from some form of clash with another novelist at some point. In Africa. On a boat.

Things get fisty.

I feel a novelist of the highest character is one ready to increase the amount of knuckle and diminish an amount of jaw until the prose are deemed satisfactory by the opponent.

A good novelist really knows how to be a bizarre white guy.

Perhaps this is how I should have behaved with my opponent is the argument of opinions over grammar.

I was told when I was younger that an opinion cannot be wrong, such is the flame of confidence and insistence.

So, if in my opinion 1 + 1 = 3 then it does for as long as we are pacifying children with such an idea as failure being an ‘other-people’ scenario.

 In other words…when I say: “Whom?” in the beginning, middle or end of any discussion then I shall not be accused of being incorrect as I have some pretty distinct opinions as to the contrary.


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